Beauty

Well, it has happened yet again. My heart has grown. You'd think I'd be used to that breath-catching twinge in my chest by now, but it never fails to catch me off guard. It never fails to bring a prayer to my lips - "Thank you, God, for my precious boy." I would admit that it also never fails to bring a tear to my eye, but that would just make me sound like way too much of a sap.

Elijah has been fighting sleep lately, both at night and for his naps. (Eight month sleep regression?) At night we start him out in his crib, but inevitably he will wake up and won't go back to sleep unless we bring him into bed with us. I know, you're either thinking I'm awful for cosleeping, or else that I'm awful for not cosleeping at the beginning of the night. Either way, this is what we've decided to do, and we're all happy with it. Anyway, for naps, most days he won't nap at all unless it's with me. So, as I'm typing this, I am in my bed with a happily snoozing 9-month-old.

This morning, he was curled in my arms, then shifted onto his back, his arm stretched out with his hand resting in my outstretched hand. Then, he whimpered in his sleep and instinctively turned toward me, his legs curled up against my belly and his arm against my chest. As I wrapped my arms back around him and he relaxed, my breath caught, my chest tightened, and I marveled, "who knew how much joy there is in comforting your child? How much beauty there is being the one your child seeks, even in sleep, to receive that comfort?"

I hope that I will be able to teach my son as much as he has already taught me. I hope that he will always know what a blessing he is.

32

Today is my birthday - my first one as a mom. And, for the first time, I completely understand what it means to say, "There's nothing I want for my birthday." It's true. I have absolutely everything I want. I really didn't even think much about my birthday this year. In the past, I've done that when I didn't want to acknowledge that I was getting older - usually because I didn't like where I was in life. But this year, it's because I am so content with my life that I'm not holding onto hope that this year "will be even better".

I am happy! I have a husband who loves me more than I probably even realize. My stepchildren love me and respect me. I have a beautiful, perfect little boy who makes my entire world light up. What more could a woman want? I honestly wouldn't have been disappointed if I'd received no phone calls, no cards, no gifts this year. The fact that I have received a lot of cards, birthday wishes, a sweet gift from my stepdaughter and an absolutely gorgeous necklace from my husband is just so much icing on already fabulous (birthday?) cake.

That doesn't mean, of course, that would I turn down Starbucks gift cards. ;-) I have been blessed with lots of those this year, too! Life is truly good.